• GOING BACK TO COLLEGE AS A POST-GRADUATE

    I never knew getting a masters degree would involve so much free wine. Seriously, at every event the college provides so much wine. It’s crazy. At the last one, they literally gave people bottles to take home at the end because they had so much left. So it’s safe to say, I’ve really been enjoying college.

    When I finished my bachelors degree, the thought of doing a masters was the last thing on my mind. I was finished with education. Done. Over it. But after being away from it for nearly 2 years, I started to miss it. When I was college, my classmates and I talked about critical theory and different social issues over lunch like people chitchat about the weather, and I just assumed that that was how life was. That bubble was quick to burst after graduation and I soon realised that a lot of people didn’t want to talk about Judith Butler’s writings on performativity or Michael Foucoult’s thoughts on the Panopticon while eating their Chinese takeaway. So weird, I know.

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    So it feels nice to be back in a learning space; to be talking about things that I find interesting. I’m really not an academic though. I like being in class and hearing other people’s thoughts and opinions, but I have a terrible memory and I don’t work well on the spot. I also have some learning difficulties, so it’s not easy for me. Despite that, I’ve found being in college oddly comforting. It’s almost a form of therapy, learning about new concepts and talking about different social issues; it really is amazing how powerful that can be. Engaging with things that are bigger than yourself is like chicken soup for the soul. Or vegetable soup I guess, since I’m a vegetarian.

    I’m also really trying hard to be social with my classmates. It’s not a natural thing for me; I mean, I’m capable of socialising but I find it so exhausting. I get so anxious and nervous about everything, especially at the beginning. And I hate small talk. Although, I actually do rather enjoy talking about the weather, I feel like that’s an Irish thing, even if some Irish people won’t admit they actually like it. But I want to make the most of what I’m doing.  I’m surrounded by so many different interesting people from all around the globe: China, India, Denmark, the U.S., Italy, Switzerland. It’s really cool.

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    Being immersed in this new bubble makes me feel inspired and motivated. Well, most of the time I feel that way. I’ve had a lot happen in my life over the past 3 months and it’s been hard. Amongst other things, I had a person I loved and supported in every way cheat on me and just generally be horrible to me, and as much as I wish it didn’t, sometimes I feel that dragging me down. There was just so much pain and confusion, and just when you think you’ve gotten rid of it all, you find a spot (or multiple spots) that you missed. But I have been going to therapy and most of the time I feel like I’m healing. I try to focus on the positives and being back in college has put things into perspective.

    The free wine helps too.

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     Outfit info:
    Jacket – Misguided
    Shoes – Public Desire
    Bag – Matt & Nat
    Dress – Aritzia
    Hoodie – H & M

    Love Jane x

    P.S. This probably only makes sense in my head, but I feel like the coat combination I’m wearing here is the perfect post-graduate student outfit. The coat is professional, while the hoodie reminds people I’m still a hip causal student… Is that a weird way to think about clothes? Yes, yes it is.

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  • THE NEW NORMAL

    It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on my blog, and although I do want to return to regularly scheduled programming soon, I felt the need to address my absence. Not because I think anyone cares or noticed, but because it would have felt weird for me to continue on as though everything was normal, as though everything was the same as before.

    Normal is an odd concept.

    Society thinks that it’s common sense, that’s it’s fact. That it’s always been and will be always be. But the truth is it changes constantly. It’s relative. It depends on the year, the location, the country, the culture, the family. Everything changes. Society changes. Normal changes. In the personal sphere, normal is what’s known, what’s comfortable. What we do everyday. Normal life. But normal changes. Sometimes it’s expected, it’s slow, it’s predictable. But sometimes it’s none of those things. Sometimes things change so quickly it causes whiplash. Suddenly you’re plunged into the unknown, the new. Abnormal life.

    But that’s the funny thing, it may seem abnormal at first. It may seem so foreign and strange. But soon it simply stops. It stops being foreign and strange. Soon it becomes everyday life. And it’ll surprise you how fast that happens, how quickly it all becomes normal: going in and out of hospitals to visit, talking about insurance, joking with the guy in the opposite bed about cancer after finding out that he had the same type several years ago. It’s now the new normal. Things have changed, and not the slow gradual change that most of us experience throughout our entire lives. This had been sudden. A sudden new normal.

    That is not necessarily a bad thing. You learn things; you learn about yourself, about life, about the people around you. You figure out what this new normal looks like; what you look like in this new normal. And thankfully in this situation, things may eventually go back to being, for the most part, like they were before. We may need to make a few adjusts, but at the end of the day we’ll have the same laughs, watch the same quiz shows together, argue the same petty things. No matter what happens, it’ll become normal. It always does.

    I’m sorry this post has been vague, but it’s not my story to tell. I just wanted to get this off my chest before starting to post again. As I said, regularly scheduled programming will resume soon.

    Jane x